A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
There now follows a special announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
It is with great pride that we are able to share with you the first grumbling evidence of the stalled machinery surrounding CARDIACS beginning to twitch and stumble into life before your loyal but sometimes, one might say, disbelieving eyes.
We therefore take this timely opportunity to announce that from this day forwards CARDIACS recorded material will begin to be made available for purchase in its entirety from ITUNES, a well known online retail outlet of repute.
The uploading of the complete back catalogue of albums has begun and soon will be complete.
We consequently must INSIST that you avail yourselves of this convenience and make full use of the following electrophonic code sequential address at your earliest promptitude.
Click here to open iTunes
(requires iTunes installed on your computer)
Alternatively if you have iTunes simply select iTunes Store and search for “Cardiacs”
With regard to the non availability of goods and the future of merchandise direct from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN by way of our official web site, let us attempt to quell your fears.
The online merchandising arrangements will soon be back in place. This will be of great relief to those eager to fill their greedy fists with our considerable range of quality goods and merchandising items, and we anticipate its return well in time for the festive period.
The reasons for the removal of this facility over the past months is of no concern to you.
Yet suffice it to say that once certain accountancy issues have been addressed, it will be only a short while until normal service is resumed.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN thanks you for your patience in this matter and looks forward to once again delivering the exemplary service to which you had become accustomed.
With Respect
Posted: September 14th, 2009
THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT OF GREAT IMPORTANCE FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
With ever an eye for a worthy cause and in light of current events THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN would deem it especially prudent to take
note and peruse the following announcement.
Young Sally Morgan has taken upon herself the HEROIC task of participating in the GREAT NORTHERN RUN as a means of raising money to
further the causes of that fine establishment THE BRITISH NEUROLOGICAL RESEARCH TRUST.
We therefore have deemed it appropriate that YOU follow the Electronic address link gateway below and that YOUR LOYALTY DEMANDS a generous donation by way of sponsorship of this splendid cause so selflessly undertaken by our beloved Sally.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN wishes her all the success required and we know that YOU will be joining us with those heartfelt wishes.
This is where one needs to travel on the wireless highway to:
http://www.justgiving.com/Sally-Morgan
With Respect
Posted: June 25th, 2009
THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT OF GREAT IMPORTANCE FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
A full year has now passed by silently and stealthily yet with ever an eye on promptitude and a passion for consistency it now falls upon THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN to provide this timely annual update to YOU our ever faithful family regarding the health and condition of Tim Smith.
One complete year on from Tim Smith’s ‘accident’, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN is only too aware that since its previous gloomy news bulletin there have purposely been no further updates. In this time YOU have been both patient and respectful to the family of YOUR IDOL and to those so called friends with whom he keeps regular counsel. If rumour and tittle-tattle have reached the collective ear of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN then we have seen fit neither to extinguish nor fan their ugly flames.
It is at this time, then, that THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has chosen to clarify the CURRENT situation
At the time of his cardiac arrest Tim Smith effectively died. Resuscitation allowed his passage back from that world of mists and spirits to this one of foetid edges and filth, but upon re-entering this VALE OF TEARS it became apparent that he had suffered a terrible brain injury from the inability of his faltered heart to supply its regular goodness in the quantities required to sustain a healthy condition within his brainbox.
Quite what the sickly lad experienced over the course of the remaining months of 2008 remains largely unclear. He claims at one point to have been surrounded by ‘cheap microphones’ while at other times that he was visited by ‘multiple cigarette smoking’ friends whilst languishing in a ‘cafe that served exquisite fruit juice’ all set within a ‘beautiful surreal landscape of rivers and curtains’.
In keeping with our reputation as The HONEST Concern, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can state categorically that none of these constructs was of our making.
Since the accident Tim Smith’s body has become his enemy. He is in a great deal of pain and is experiencing difficulty with the finer points of control with regard to his extremities so obviously perfected prior to the unhappy event, but Tim Smith, his family and those so called friends, (with whom he keeps counsel), all assert that his mind, however, has been sharpened by the episode. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can confirm that no part of YOUR favourite pop star’s intellect or personality has been found to be absent WHATSOEVER.
So where does that leave CARDIACS and where does that leave YOU?
At this point Tim Smith can neither sing nor play his guitar. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, in keeping with its enviable reputation as THE REALISTIC CONCERN, can state that it is extremely unlikely that CARDIACS will perform live for the foreseeable future. THIS IS NOT, IT MUST BE NOTED, THE END OF CARDIACS. YOU must once again be patient before events can reveal themselves as foodstuffs for YOUR greedy little mouths.
Unlike the so-called prescient ways of that, at best, ‘cosmic chancer’ Nostradamus, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN claim no ’second sight’, therefore it would be mere folly to muse upon how future events may unfold. Tim Smith’s condition permits no such speculation, but there is in his own words ‘A glimmer of anticipation . . . Quite a glimmer.’ And it is to give that glimmer the oxygen that it requires to become the roaring flame we all need to warm our clammy flesh, that he is participating in the trials and tribulations required within the system of neurological rehabilitation where he is making many small but positive inroads into his recovery. We are therefore left in no doubt that it is a long and arduous road beset with many trips and stumbles along the way that has yet to be travelled.
In respect of the awful events of last year, much of the machinery surrounding your favourite group, CARDIACS, had ground to a halt. In honour of YOUR patience, YOU will observe the cogs begin to turn and the pistons sputter to life once more. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN will soon make available to YOU the goods and artefacts YOU so hungrily crave.
Tim Smith and it goes without saying, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, would like to thank all of YOU who have sent him YOUR kind thoughts and beautiful words and indeed in a few thankfully rare cases, your daubs and photos. They have all been gratefully received where appropriate and both Tim and ourselves would encourage you all to continue with your correspondence.
With Respect
Posted: July 23rd, 2008
There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
Due to the extenuating circumstances we find ourselves in following the health issues pertaining to CARDIACS very own Tim Smith we have deemed it appropriate at this time to officially call to a halt all activities concerning CARDIACS for the foreseeable future. It therefore falls upon us to reluctantly cancel the forthcoming tour booked for November
We apologise wholeheartedly for this unavoidable action and also for any delay in letting you know of our decision. Any delay has been necessary in order to assure that all promoters and their hirelings have been made aware of this decision in advance to facilitate early redemption of any ticketing refunds as and when required.
On a more positive note. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has now provided a unique and encouragingly entitled special electrophonic code sequential address for the exclusive use of YOU the faithful to send your well wishes, uplifting verse or whatever you decide to encourage the earliest recovery of young Tim.
This is the facility you shall use and only this to ensure that your messages reach the sickly lad.
positivevibes@cardiacs.com
We will of course be certain to deliver to him those messages we deem appropriate at the appropriate time.
With respect
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
Posted: July 16th, 2008
There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
As some of you have no doubt become aware, Tim Smith, the stalwart front man of your beloved CARDIACS has fallen foul of ill health.
In order to quash any rumours and idle tittle-tattle amongst the faithful we find it appropriate at this time to furnish you with the necessary information to perhaps remove the worried furrows from the brows of the more hysterical amongst you..
On 25th June Tim collapsed and found himself the unfortunate victim of, ironically, a cardiac arrest. Thanks to the skill and dedication of those heroes of the streets, the paramedic service he was speedily ensconced within the caring hands of the National Health Service where he was treated by expert medical staff and thankfully he is now making a recovery. There is no longer any danger to his life and he is improving every day though we must caution that there is a long road ahead.
Needless to say we are sure you all wish him a speedy recovery and in keeping with our reputation as the caring concern, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN will soon be facilitating a method of sending him your personal messages of goodwill on our Web site www.cardiacs.com which is sure to cheer both him and his fellow CARDIACS no end.
Needless to say, all further information will be generously furnished by THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN as and when we see fit and we hasten to add that YOUR LOYALTY DEMANDS the utmost respect for his nearest and dearest and that no attempts to gather any more information be made of them during this most fretful of times.
With respect
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
Posted: July 7th, 2008
Please accept our apologies but there will be delays dispatching online orders at this time. Your patience is appreciated.
Posted: June 3rd, 2008
LIVE BBC RADIO SESSION
LIVE BBC RADIO SESSIONCardiacs will be performing three songs LIVE in the studio on Marc Riley’s Brain Surgery show on Monday 23rd June
between 7 and 9:30pm, On BBC 6 Music.Tune in early. The first song will be performed at 7pm and the following two at 7:30.THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN takes this opportunity to remind YOU that the official announcements from
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN are the ONLY true and reliable source of information regarding the activity of CARDIACS,YOUR favourite group.
Anything you might read or hear about through the so called grapevine is to be treated with unease, suspicion and doubt.
With respect
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
Posted: May 12th, 2008
Some news for now…
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, as a trusty conduit to keep YOU abreast of developments, can report that CARDIACS have once again deigned to raise their sour heads over the parapet and perform a series of shows in the UK later this year.
The tour dates follow this announcement.
The eagle-eyed among the loyal may care to note that the second show is in the city of Glasgow.
Glasgow is in Scotland.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has always kept CARDIACS in check with a tried and tested punishment / reward system.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN sees no reason to change that.
CARDIACS have, as per usual, been asked to perform certain tasks recently.
Your favourite group’s lack of communication does little to encourage THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
Members of CARDIACS have been sighted publicly carrying themselves in such a way as to tarnish the reputation of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
Punishments will be swift and fair.
NOVEMBER 2008
13 NOVEMBER YORK FIBBERS
The Stonebow, Unit 8/12, Stonebow House, York, YO1 2NP 08700 600 100
www.fibbers.co.uk/ticketline
14 NOVEMBER GLASGOW GARAGE
The Garage, 490 Sauchiehall St, Glasgow, G2. Tel: 0141 332 1120
http://www.cpllive.co.uk/cpl/index.php
ticket hotline 08444 77 1000
15 NOVEMBER SHEFFIELD BOARDWALK
0871 230 1095
Snig Hill, Sheffield, S3 8NA
www.theboardwalklive.co.uk
16 NOVEMBER LEEDS COCKPIT
Swinegate, Leeds LS1 4AG
www.thecockpit.com
www.seetickets.com
17 NOVEMBERBRIGHTON KOMEDIA
44-47 Gardner Street, Brighton, BN1 1UN
Ticket links are www.seetickets.com or phone Komedia Box Office 01273 647 100
18 NOVEMBER CARDIFFCLWB IFOR BACH
02920 232199
11 Womanby Street, Cardiff, CF10 1BR
http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/user/?region=gb_wales&query=schedule&venue=clwb&next=230314
Tickets will also be available in Spillers Records Cardiff – 02920 224905 Diverse Music Newport – 01633 259661
19 NOVEMBER BRISTOL THEKLA SOCIAL
0871 310 0000
East Mud Dock, the Grove, Bristol BS1 4RB
www.gigantic.com
www.seetickets.com
20 NOVEMBER MANCHESTERACADEMY 3
0161 832 1111
Manchester University Union, Oxford Road, Manchester M13 9PR
www.ticketline.co.uk
www.manchesteracademy.net/
21 NOVEMBER LONDON ASTORIA
0870 060 3777
157 Charing Cross Rd, London WC2H 0EN
www.festivalrepublic.com
http://seetickets.com/see/price.asp?code=305225&userid={EDAA3CDB-4EDC-4582-A271-40509F8DE4A7}&filler1=see&filler2=art-srch
22 NOVEMBER PLYMOUTH WHITE RABBIT
07916 127298
Unit 14, Bretonside Bus Station Plymouth PL4 0BG
savacles@hotmail.co.uk
www.seetickets.com
Posted: October 30th, 2007
EVIDENCE
There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERNIn order to keep YOUR FAVOURITE GROUP alert, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN wish to announce that, by way of punishment, CARDIACS do not have the faintest idea exactly which songs they will be performing from night to night on the approaching 2007 TOUR.
Read on, and in doing so ‘get wise’ to an opportunity for YOU to view recently filmed activity of CARDIACS hard at work.
The Seasons are changing and after an IMPOVERISHED EXCUSE for a summer, winter once again draws in.
The everyday feeble-minds trudge gloomily on, cursing THE EARTH’s inevitable ‘rotation-cycle’, finding sorrow in every turn, misery in every opportunity.
DANK DISPLEASURE IN EVERY WELL-MEANING GLANCE.Not YOU.YOU carry a kernel of hope in YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART.
YOU light the way for those stricken by THE BLEAK HOURS.
YOU hold forth, gushing the florid syllables of the condemned man ‘let-off’ at the eleventh hour.
YOU bring cheer.
“COLD HANDS – WARM HEART”.
YOU bring love.
So, then, as the forthcoming CARDIACS tour draws ever closer, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has deemed it both appropriate and urgent that the following matters be absorbed for the best part of a day for the benefit of YOUR wellbeing.
What is this so called phenomenon ‘they’ refer to as DEATH?
What if the particular death YOU die is not even DEATH?
Is death not merely an idea, albeit a fairly interesting one? An overrated construct at best, yet the rantings of those struck by religion, those devoid of it and the generally unhinged.
Is it that YOU are RISEN APES, looking forward to a gloomy eternity in the soil, YOUR atoms dispersed and YOUR miserable thoughts eaten up by tree-roots and tendrils?
Perhaps YOU feel that you are FALLEN ANGELS and can expect to fly THE CHRIST back up ‘there’ once you have lived out YOUR pathetic drudge through this vale of tears.
There are those out there, dwellers of stranger echelons than these, that perceive this whole existence as merely an hallucination. A shoddy scenario made all up in the brain of a sorry underachiever, bereft of any real imagination.
Where then does that leave CARDIACS?
Are Cardiacs really the best that this failure of a deity can invent out of HIS CELESTIAL MIND-BANK?
Are you sure that it is not YOU who are this failure of a deity?
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN are aware that these thoughts will lead to the quickening of the heart rate, the sweating of the palms.Take comfort, then, that THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has generously taken matters in hand.
The first rule of any wisdom, it would seem, is to TURN EVENTS TO ONE’S OWN ADVANTAGE.
Recently CARDIACS have been put through their paces, owing to ‘a certain entertainment’ falling conveniently into the hands of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
The entertainment has presented itself in the form of an ‘incriminating’ film… EVIDENCE.Using under-handed deceit and ABSOLUTE BLACKMAIL to benefit YOU, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has ‘persuaded’ CARDIACS to increase their workload.
You were previously informed that CARDIACS will not be performing exactly the same set every night on this tour.
In keeping with our reputation as The Modest Concern, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can announce that the previous ‘teaser’ contains more body to it than YOU may have thought or, indeed, expected.
As a result of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN’s stern words, and of direct benefit to YOU, CARDIACS have completely ‘over-shot’, foolishly ‘learning’ far more songs than was actually required. CARDIACS, therefore, must now perform a different variety of tunes over the duration of the tour. This will be a positive boon to all those in The Loyal who WILL insist on attending repeat performances.
YOU may not experience a repeat repertoire.What treasures may this revolting trove contain?
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can reveal that material is being TACKLED from EVERY ERA OF THE GROUP’S GLORIOUS HISTORY.
CARDIACS will be performing this gargantuan task in an attempt to suppress the EVIDENCE.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, or if YOU like, The Futuristic Concern, has sourced means to make this evidence available for YOU to view, through a, shall we say, ‘very popular internet site’.
A site already replete with unauthorized ‘footage’ of YOUR favourite group.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feels the time has come to ‘blow the lid’ on CARDIACS’ WHOLE SORRY VENTURE.
The whole ‘lid-blowing’ exercise will be available for YOU to purchase before YOU are in the ground.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxhuQWKwbqY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AC8Z9uGe0A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5QYijFfOaQ
With Respect
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
CARDIACS ON TOUR NOVEMBER 2007
MON 12 BRIGHTON THE OLD MARKET 01273 736222
11a Upper Market Street, Hove BN3 1AS
TUE 13 OXFORD ZODIAC 0870 771 2000
190 Cowley Road, Oxford, OX4 4AD
WED 14 BRISTOL THEKLA SOCIAL 0871 310 0000
East Mud Dock, the Grove, Bristol BS1 4RB
THU 15 NOTTINGHAM RESCUE ROOMS 0871 3100 000
Masonic Place, Goldsmith Street, Nottingham, NG1 5GG
FRI 16 LONDON ASTORIA 0870 060 3777
157 Charing Cross Rd, London WC2H 0EN
www.meanfiddler.com
MON 19 SHEFFIELD BOARDWALK 0871 230 1095
Snig Hill, Sheffield, S3 8NA
www.theboardwalklive.co.uk/
TUE 20 STOKE ON TRENT THE SUGARMILL 01782 206000
Brunswick Street, Hanley, Stoke-on-Trent, ST1 1DR
www.thesugarmill.co.uk/tickets.php
WED 21 MANCHESTER ACADEMY 3 0161 832 1111
MANCHESTER UNIVERSITY UNION, OXFORD ROAD,
MANCHESTER M13 9PR
www.ticketline.co.uk
www.manchesteracademy.net/
THU 22 PORTSMOUTH WEDGEWOOD ROOMS 023 9286 3911
147B, Albert Road, Southsea, PO4 0JW
www.wedgewood-rooms.co.uk/
FRI 23 CARDIFF CLWB IFOR BACH 02920 232199
11 Womanby Street, Cardiff, CF10 1BR
Ticketweb
Tickets will also be available in Spillers Records Cardiff – 02920 224905
Diverse Music Newport – 01633 259661
SAT NOV 24 LEEDS The Woodhouse Liberal Club
Woodhouse Street, Hyde Park, Leeds, LS6 2PY
www.seetickets.com
Posted: October 10th, 2007
NOVEMBER TOUR 2007
THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
In the interest of keeping ‘idle talk’ to a minimum THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feels the time is RIGHT to officially announce the support acts for Cardiacs forthcoming tour.
THE GOD DAMN WHORES will be opening proceedings.
Anyone who witnessed the CRUSHING ASSAULT and frequent use of ‘blue language’ that ex-Cardiac Jon Poole’s ‘team’ trumped up at last year’s London Astoria concert will testify that this group (fronted by redoubtable colleague of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, Jon Poole) must not and WILL NOT be missed.
The God Damn Whores album, ‘We Are The Lucky Thirteen’ is widely available on Round Records and suggested listening.
The God Damn Whores feature…
Jon Poole (ex- Cardiacs/The Wildhearts)
Chris Catalyst (Sisters of Mercy/The Scaramanga Six/Antiproduct)
Jase Edwards (Ginger and the Sonic Circus/ ex-Wolfsbane)
Denzil (Ginger)
Following The God Damn Whores, yet INVISIBLE to the HUMAN EYE is THE GASMAN.
The Gasman invents and performs beautiful music to help YOU ‘fast-track’ the lonely time between ‘The Whores’ and your beloved Cardiacs. His ‘Sonic Auto Slumber’ will set off a time bomb in your soul that only the most mean-spirited would refuse to detonate.
Will YOU accept the detonation?
The Gasman’s recorded output is legion. His many recordings are available on labels such as Warp, Planet Mu and Sublight Records.
Recordings and merchandise for both support acts will be available at the concerts.
Both acts were requested specifically at Cardiacs and THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN’s behest. Make your early attendance a PRIORITY.
Regarding Cardiacs, and a gentle word in YOUR ear from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN:
Cardiacs will NOT be performing exactly the same set on every night of the forthcoming tour.
What that might mean is of no concern to you.
YOU, as ever, are STRONGLY ADVISED to buy YOUR tickets in advance.
As YOU will be aware, there are “those out there” involved in booking Cardiacs concerts, hungry for a “quick buck”, that overtly doubt YOUR loyalty to YOUR favorite group. Naysayers in the so called “music business” that would have YOUR FAVORITE GROUP banished from their dank halls if they can’t have their filthy lucre NOW! NOW! NOW!
While THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN would normally suggest you ignore these TORMENTORS, in this case we must demand that YOU bite that ‘rusty bullet’ and placate their weak, palsied hearts and buy your tickets IN ADVANCE.
Disappointment looms for the ’slack hearted’ confident of swanning in ticket less, YOUR entry may prove difficult.
While this forthcoming Cardiacs tour will find YOUR beloved Cardiacs enjoying many of the beautiful enclaves of this Mainland Britain, Cardiacs will NOT be performing in Scotland.
Word has been received by THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN of disquiet ‘North of The Border’ regarding Cardiacs paucity of shows in that region.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN wish to make it clear that little or no offence is intended. Cardiacs will only play venues they are booked to perform at.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feel it would be both wasteful and folly for Cardiacs to attempt to perform at a venue they had not been booked to perform at.
It might even be illegal.
YOU may wish to jot the following text into your diary, a helpful shorthand note, abbreviated for YOU with kindness by THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
CARDIACS CONCERT.
Support- The God Damn Whores and The Gasman.
Get there early to see them.
Buy ticket NOW”
CARDIACS.
outstaying their welcome since 1977
With respect,
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN